alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize