I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
