Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
