Just fell off a train. Bad.
Please, let me fuck your mom
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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