YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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