Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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