Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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