I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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