Your tits are I can't wait for
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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