I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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