he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
