I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My penis needs a shock collar
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
