If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
