He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
