Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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