I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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