okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
