I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
