does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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