A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
