Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
BRING THE BAGELS
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
