Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
