well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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