He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
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