Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
