I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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