i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
