This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
