she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My bed smells like the plague
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
