Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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