Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
No...this little piggys going to the bar
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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