Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
