I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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