so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
