i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize