i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
