carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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