ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
