I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
