Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
