took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
