I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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