toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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