Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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