I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
