I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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