walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
