he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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