i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize