he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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