why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
