y did u give ur computer a hand job?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Randomize
