Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
