I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
