hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
