i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
