I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize