i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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