i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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