beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize