So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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