Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
