There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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