i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
