Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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