why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
