Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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