Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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