I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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