i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
