i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
