got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
